This Lenten Journey

Out for a run experiencing God's awesome love for us in all of his Creation

Giddy.

This is the one word to describe this Lenten Journey. It definitely didn't start that way. Actually the start of Lent feels like ages ago. Was it really only 5 weeks ago?

Lent for me began at the altar of St. Catherine of Siena at Santa Maria Sopra Minerva in Rome. I have been reading the life of St. Catherine of Siena and her writings and she was top on my list for our pilgrimage to Italy. It was actually Fat Tuesday and I knelt and prayed "St. Catherine, give me your zeal for the Eucharist. Help me to pay attention and listen to the nudgings of the Holy Spirit for my life and the lives of others." 

But after the pilgrimage to Rome it was time to get to the real fasting and sacrifice. And honestly, I was feeling a little embarrassed. Because once again my plan for Lent was a sneaky plan of sacrifice that would hopefully lead to losing weight. My inner voice said, "something will have to be different this time because every time I try to lose weight, get healthy - I fail. I have no discipline. Jesus, you are going to have to do this because I know I can't do it." And I started paying attention to my Weight Watchers app and started going to the meetings I have been paying for but not attending.

I divulged my embarrassing Lenten devotion a dear Sister in Christ. I lamented how every Lent there is this desire for losing weight and I always fail. I told her how time and time again I fail because I have absolutely zero discipline. She shared with me how she too was walking a similar Lenten Journey and what Jesus was teaching her about her relationship with food.  He is teaching us that only he can satisfy.

These last five weeks have been a journey in allowing Jesus to satisfy my hunger. And let me tell you, it is so much easier to be disciplined when I know there is no way I can do it. I just rely on Jesus to satisfy the need, the hunger; and he does. (I haven't even had a strong desire to shop and that wasn't even part of the deal!)

I wonder if it was a coincidence that the day before the start of Lent I asked for "zeal for the Eucharist." Hmm. Probably not.

Giddy.

Right, the word to sum it all up.

What I have learned is that when I am fully relying of Jesus to satisfy my needs, I am overwhelmed by the vastness of His love, not only for me but for the whole universe.

Giddy.